Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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