All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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