So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
