We won't sleep together?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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