My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
