Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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