You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
