I think im going to throw up on grandma
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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