And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Randomize
