Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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