I love black thongs
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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