Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
