i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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