so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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