after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
