They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
