I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
