Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
