it was like his penis was on wheels.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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