My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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