On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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