so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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