I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
