Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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