You're my little dorito
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
