there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize