Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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