dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
