you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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