Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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