I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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