Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
