Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
