I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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