He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
