You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
there's paper in my vomit.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
