nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
