i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
