i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to make out with him forever
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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