i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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