she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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