do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
