Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
