I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
