I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
