Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
