Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
