I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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