wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
