My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
