roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
