I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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